G. David's Law: It doesn't matter if you win or lose ... until you lose.

Gabirol's Observation: The wise are pleased when they discover truth, fools when they discover falsehood.

Gable's Holiday Prophecy: The Christmas bonus will be smaller than you think.

Galbraith's Law of Politics: Anyone who says four times he isn't going to resign definitely will.
Law of Prominence: Getting on the cover of Time guarantees the existence of opposition in the future.

Gammon's Law: In a bureaucratic system, increase in expenditure will be matched by fall in production.

Gannon's Law of Relativity: Grandchildren grow more quickly than children.

Gardener's Philosophy: Brilliant opportunities are cleverly disguised as insolvable problems. Corollary: The reverse is also true.

Garland's Law of Travel: The shortest distance between two points is impossible.

Gate's Law: The only important information in a hierarchy is who knows what.

Gaylord's First Law of Public Transit: The first bus you see is going into the wrong direction.

Gell-Mann's Dictum: Whatever isn't forbidden is required. Corollary: If there's no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist.

George's Law: All pluses have their minuses.

Gerard's Law: When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.

Gerhard's Observation: We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

Gerhardt's Law: If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply. They are going to stop making it.

Gerrold's Law: A little ignorance can go a long way.

Gerrold's Law: A little ignorance can go a long way. 
Laws of Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will be headed in the wrong direction. 
2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
3. The energy required to change either of these states will be more than you wish to expend, but not so much as to make the task totally impossible.

Giatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness: The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely  proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.

Gibb's Law: Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Gibb's Law: Infinity is one layer waiting for another.

Gibbon's Rule of Credit Payments: As soon as you make the last payment on a major purchase item, you need to get a new one.

Gilb's Laws of Unreliability: 1. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.  
2. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. 
3. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

Gilbert's Law of Sports: Wherever you park, your seats will be on the other side of the stadium.

Gilbertson's Law: Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Gillete's Law of Telephone Dynamics: The phone call you've been waiting for comes the minute you're out the door.

Ginsberg's Theorem: 1. You can't win. 2. You can't break even. 3. You can't even quit the game. Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negations of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Ginsburg's Dow Jones Principle: Major one-day losses are always larger than major one-day gains.

Gioia's Theory: The person with the least experience has the most opinions.

Glaser's Law: If it says "One size fits all" it doesn't fit anyone.

Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness: The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.

Gloria's Theory: The person with the least expertise has the most opinions.

Gluck's First Law: Whichever way you turn upon entering an elevator, the buttons will be on the opposite side.

Glyme' Formula for Success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Glynn's Law: The amount of aggravation inherent in a business transaction is inversely proportional to the profit. Fourth Corollary: The amount of aggravation inherent to a business transaction is inversely proportional to the profit.

Godin's Law: Generalizedness of incompetence is directly proportional to highestness in hierarchy.

Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. 
of Journalism: A column about errors will contain errors.

Golden Principle: Nothing will be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.

Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney.
       2. Never buy from a rich salesperson.

Goldstick's Rule: Be kind to everyone you talk with. You never know who's going to be on the jury.

Golomb's Don'ts of Mathematical Modeling: 1. Don't believe the 33rd order consequences of a 1st order model. Catch Phrase: "Cum grano salis". 
3. Don't apply any model until you understand the simplifying assumptions on which it is based, and can test their applicability. Catch Phrase: "Use only as directed". 
4. Don't believe that the model is the reality. Catch Phrase: "Don't eat the menu". 
5. Don't distort reality to fit the model. Catch Phrase: "The 'Procrustes Method'". 
6. Don't limit yourself to a single model: More than one may be useful for understanding different aspects of the same phenomenon. Catch Phrase: "Legalize polygamy". 
7. Don't retain a discredited model. Catch Phrase: "Don't beat a dead horse". 
8. Don't fall in love with your model. Catch Phrase: "Pygmalion". 
9. Don't apply the terminology of Subject A to the problems of Subject B if it is to the enrichment of neither. Catch Phrase: "New names for old". 
10. Don't expect that by having named a demon you have destroyed him. Catch Phrase: "Rumplestiltskin".

Golub's Laws of Computerdom: 1. A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long. 
        2. Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Good's Rule for Dealing with Bureaucracies: When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.

Goodwin's Reminder: Visibility draws criticism.

Gordon's First Law: If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Gore's Laws of Design Engineering: 1. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the service man. 
2. That component of any circuit which has the shortest service life will be placed in the least accessible location. 
3. Any circuit design must contain at least one part that is obsolete, two parts that are unobtainable, and three parts that are still under development. Corollaries: 1. The project engineer will change the design to suit the state-of-the-art. 2. The changes will not be mentioned in the service manual.

Gottlieb's Rule: The boss who attempts to impress employees with the knowledge of intricate details has lost sight of the final objective.

Gourd's Axiom: A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

Gourhan's Law of Technology: The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Grande's Law: Always do exactly what your boss would do if he knew what he was talking about.

Grandpa's Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Grave's Law: As soon as you make something idiot-proof, along comes another idiot.

Gray's Law for Buses: A bus that has refused to arrive will do so only when the would-be rider has walked to a point so close to the destination that it is no longer worthwhile to board the bus. 
Law of Programming: 'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as `n' tasks. Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law of Programming: 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.

Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
Contract Rule: What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.

Greer's Third Law: A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

Grelb's Addition: If it was bad, it'll be back. 
Frightening Thought: As soon as you switch to the carpool lane, the other lanes of traffic speed up.
Law of Erroring: In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end from which you begin checking for errors.  
Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Gresham's Law: Trivial matters are handled promptly; important matters are never solved.

Greta' Law of Supply and Demand: The number of trick-or-treaters who come to the door is inversely proportional to the number of treats on hand.

Griffin's Law: Statistics are a logical and precise method for saying a half-truth inaccurately.

Grigg's Law of Individual Performance: The day you set the record, your team will lose the game.

Grime's Law: Nostalgia is the realization that thing weren't as unbearable as they seemed at the time.

Grizzard's Sled-Dog Principle: Only the lead dog gets a change of scenery.

Grossman's Lemma: Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
Misquote of H. L. Mencken: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
Ground Rules for Laboratory Workers: When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Ground Rules for Laboratory Workers: When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Grown Child's Lament: Mother said there would be days like this but she never said there would be so many.

Groya's Law: What we learn after we know it all is what counts.

Gualtieri's Law of Inertia: Where there's a will, there's a won't.

Gummidge's Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Gutierrez's Law: The only true freedom is freedom from choice.

H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can - do. Those who cannot - teach. Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach administrate. 
Rule: When the world cures one error, it usually turns to another, worse than the first.

Haare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Hadley's Laws of Clothing Shopping: 1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 
2. If you like it and it's in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. 
3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 
4. If you like it, it fits and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wear it.

Hagan's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

Haley's Law of Commercial Quality: One company's mistakes are another company's standards.

Haldane's Law: The universe is not only queerer than we imagine, it's queerer than we can imagine.

Halder's Rule of Simplification: Any technological revision made to simplify a system, program, or device will, in practice, create new difficulties.

Halgren's Solution: When in trouble, obfuscate.

Hall' Law: The means justify the means. The approach to a problem is more important than its solution.

Hamer's Law of Mechanics: The one part that fails causes other parts to fail.

Hamilton's Rule for Cleaning Glassware: The spot you are scrubbing is always on the other side. Corollary: If the spot is on the inside, you won't be able to reach it.

Hampton's Homile: The trouble of doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Hane's Law: There is no limit to how bad things can get.

Handy Guide to Modern Science: 1. If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
2. If it stinks, its chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Cerf's Extensions: 4. If it's incomprehensible, it's mathematics.
5. If it doesn't make sense it's either economics or psychology.

Hanggi's Law: The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree. Corollary: The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Hansen's Library Axiom: The closest library never has the material you need.

Harbour's Law: The deadline is one week after the original deadline.

Hardin's Law: You never do just one thing.

Harlan's First-Date Dynamic: One faux pas cancels out three good impressions.

Harper's Magazine's Law: You never find an article until you replace it.

Harriet's First Law of Gift Wrapping: If it doesn't come with a box, you won't have one to fit it. 
Law of Holiday Get-Togethers: In a holiday dinner consisting of five or more items, one dish will be overlooked and go un-served.

Harrington's Law: A clean desk is the sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
Warning: The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.

Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Harry's Rules: 1. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
            2. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Harry's Rule: When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Hartley's Laws: 1. You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get it to float on its back, you've got something. 
2. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Hartz's Law of Rhetoric: Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics. 
        Uncertainty Principle: Ambiguity is invariant.

Hatala's Law: It takes longer to plan your vacation online than to actually take the vacation.

Hawkin's Theory of Progress: Progress does not consist in replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists in replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.

Hayden's Observation: Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Hecht's Fourth Law:There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do.

Hegel's Dictum: We learn from history that we do not learn from history.

Heid's First Law: Women's Liberation didn't. 
Law of Lines: No matter how early you arrive, someone else is in line first. 
Observation: Junk mail never quits. Corollary: If there is only one piece of mail in your mailbox, it will be junk mail.

Heine's Law: One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged.

Heisenberg's Law: There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. 
Principle of Investment: You may know where the market is going, but you can't possibly know where it's going after that.
Uncertainty Principle: The location of all objects cannot be known simultaneously. Corollary: If a lost thing is found, something else will disappear.

Helen's Card Caution: If you send out holiday cards left over from a previous year, thinking that no one will know the difference, somebody will. 
Consumer Product Query: If this one is "improved", what was wrong with it before? 
Hassle: When you order the lowest-priced item at a group luncheon, the group will decide to split the check evenly. 
Law of Bargain Shopping: If you don't buy it when you first see it, it won't be there when you come back.

Helga's Rule: Say no, then negotiate.

Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. Johnson's Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within an organization.

Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away. Shavelson's Extension: ...having done its damage. Grelb's Addition: If it was bad, it'll be back.

Henderson's Law: The less you say, the less you have to retract.

Hendrickson's Law: If a problem causes many meetings, the meetings eventually become more important than the problem.

Herbert's Law: A bureaucracy is an organization that has raised stupidity to the status of a religion.

Herblock's Law: If it's good, they discontinue it. Jansen's Extension ...or "improve" it beyond recognition.

Herman's Law: A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

Herrnstein's Law: The attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of the size of the class. Thus, as the class swells, the amount of attention paid per student drops in direct ratio.

Hershiser's Rules: 1. Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" isn't. 
2. The label "New" and/or "Improved" means the price went up. 
3. The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW" or "GREAT NEW" means the price went way up.

Hertzberg's First Law of Wing Walking: Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.

Higdon's Law: Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.

Highway Traveler's Rule of Billboards: The quality of the food is inversely proportional to the distance between it and its first roadside advertisement.

Hiram's Law: If you consult enough experts you can confirm any opinion.

Hitch's Internet Law: When connecting to a website, your request will take the most indirect possible route.

Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man; he will find an easier way to do it.

Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out. The Schainker Converse: Inside a small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.

Hoffer's Law: When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Hoffstedt's Employment Principle: Confusion creates jobs.

Hofstadter's Law: Things always take longer than you anticipate, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Holme's Homily: It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.

Holten's Download Principle: The likelihood of receiving an error message during a download increases the closer you come to finishing. 
Homily: The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.

Horace's Warning: Beware of the superficially profound.

Horner's Five-Thumb Postulate: Experience varies directly with the amount of equipment ruined.

Horngreen's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

Horowitz's Law: Whenever you turn on the radio, you hear the last few notes of your favorite song.
First Rule: Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
Second Rule: A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as twenty men working twenty years.

Horwood's Laws: 6. If you have the right data, you have the wrong problem. 
8. In complex systems, there is no relationship between information gathered and decisions made. 
9. Acquisition of knowledge from experience is an exception.

Howden's Law: You remember to mail a letter only when you're nowhere near a mailbox.

Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work. Munder's Corollary: Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.
Theory: There is some advice that is too good - the advice to love your enemies, for example.

Hubbard's Homily: A friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you.
Rule of the Check Book: When your bank and your check book show two conflicting balances, the smaller amount is correct. Corollary: The bank's recorded balance is always smaller than yours.

Huber's Law: The $15 device will be rendered useless by the broken 2 cent component.

Hughes' Observation: Grass growing from sidewalk cracks never turns brown.

Hugo's Homily: Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Humberto's Rule: It's not a party until something gets broken.

Humphries' Law of Bicycling: The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Hunt's Law: Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding the greatness of the idea.

Hunter's Law: No matter how dishonorable, every politician considers himself honorable.

Hutchin's Law: You can't outtalk a man who knows what he is talking about.

Hutchison's Law: If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.

Huxley on Progress: Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.

Hyman's Highway Hypothesis: The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.