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L. B. J.'s Law: If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that only one of them is doing the thinking.

L'Engle's Law of Accounting: Nobody ever went out of business paying too many taxes because of earning too much money.

La Grangeís Law: When we ask for advice we are usually looking for an accomplice.

La Rochefoucauld's Comment: One is never as unhappy as one thinks nor as happy as one hopes.
We all have the strength to endure the misfortune of others.

Lackland's Laws: 1. Never be first. 2. Never be last. 3. Never volunteer for anything.

LaCombe's Rule of Percentages: The incidence of anything worthwhile is either 15-2 5 percent or 80-90 percent.
   Dudenhoefer's Corollary: An answer of 50 percent will suffice for the 40-60 range.

Lacopi's Law: After food and sex, man's greatest drive is to tell the other fellow how to do his job.

Ladmanís Law: Religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.

LaGuardia's Law: Statistics are like expert witnesses - they will testify for either side.

Lampner's Law of Correctness: You canít be 100 percent right, but you can be 100 percent wrong.
  Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When leaving work early,
    you will meet your boss in the parking lot.

Land's Lemma: When the experiment doesn't work, distrust the experiment; when the experiment works, distrust the theory.

Landersí Law: Trouble is the great equalizer.

Landrum' Principle of Assembly: No matter how many parts have been assembled correctly,
    one mistake will render the whole piece inoperable.

Langer's Law: If the line moves quickly, you're in the wrong line. 
of Woodworking: Any piece of lumber cut to fit will be too long. When cut again, it will be too short.

Langfield's Law of Gastronomie: The discovery of a new dish is more beneficial to humanity than the discovery of a new star.

Langsam's Laws: 1. Everything depends. 
. Nothing is always. 
. Everything is sometimes. 
 Ornithological Axiom:
It's difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.

Langston's Laws of Advanced Technology: 1. The more sophisticated the item, the more likely it will find a way to break itself.
   2. The more sophisticated the technology, the greater the chance it will need to be replaced rather than repaired.

Lanning's Law: Murphy's Law always hits at the worst time.

Larson's Bureaucratic Principle: Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. 
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Lasker's Law of the Marketplace: If the unit is advertised as "ALL-NEW", the one thing that was actually changed makes the model incompatible with yours.

Las Vegas Laws: 1. Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is bound to change.
  2. The probability of winning is inversely proportional to the amount of the wager.

Lasker's Law of the Marketplace:  If the unit is advertised as "ALL-NEW", the one thing that was actually changed
     makes the model incompatible with yours.
Lasordaís Rule: Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon

Last Law of Product Design: If you can't fix it, feature it.

Last Law of Robotics: The only real errors are human errors.

Launegayer's Observation: Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

Lavia's Law of Tennis: A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition.

Lavin's Law of Product Development: When management asks for something fresh, creative and brand new,
    what they're asking for is the same old thing in a brand new package.

Law for Veterinarians: The first pet you treat in the morning will pee on your pants.

Law of Annoyance: When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you are certain you're finished with,
    you will need it instantly.

Law of Arbitrary Distinction: Anything may be divided into as many parts as you please.
Everything may be divided into as many parts as you please.
   Commentary on the Corollary:
In this case, 'everything' may be viewed as a subset of 'anything'.

Law of Arrival: Those who live closest arrive latest.

Law of Aspersion: If you say something bad about someone, you will discover that the same criticism applies to you.
The only faults that bother us in others are faults we share.

Law of Automotive Repair: You can't fix it if it ain't broken.

Law of Balance: Bad habits will cancel out good ones. Example: The orange juice and granola you had for breakfast
    will be cancelled out by the cigarette you smoked on the way to work and the candy bar you ate before lunch.

Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.

Law of Check and Balances: In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.

Law of Christmas Decorating: The outdoor lights that tested perfectly indoors develop burn-outs as soon as they are strung on the house.

Law of Communications: The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.

Law of Completion: If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Law of Conservation of Tsouris: The amount of aggravation in the universe is constant. Corollary: If things are going well in one area, they are going wrong in another.

Law of Corporate Takeovers: In any corporate buyout, the resultant company will provide inferior service  and quality.
   Corollaries: 1. The larger the company that takes over, the less attention is paid to projects ongoing before the takeover.
When they say no jobs will be lost, they are lying.
  Planning: Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything

Law of Delivery: The more anxious you are to have it arrive, the longer it takes to get there.

Law of E-mail: Typos are not noticed until after the "Send" button has been hit.

Law of Engineering Responsibility: If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.

Law of Expertise: It takes a lot of effort to make a thing look easy.

Law of Governmental Self-Fulfillment: The more money spent on the feasibility study, the more feasible the project.

Law of Hierarchical Communications: The inevitable result of improved communications between different levels in a hierarchy
     is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.

Law of Highway Construction: The most heavily traveled streets spend the most time under repair.

Law of Human Quirks: Everyone wants to be noticed, but no one wants to be stared at.

Law of Information Retrieval: A document discarded as worthless will become vital shortly after the thrash is collected.

Law of Institutions: The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass

Law of Legislative Action: The length of time it takes a bill to pass through the legislature is in direct proportion
     to the number of lobbying groups favoring it.

Law of Life's Highway: If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Law of Living: As soon as you're doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch.

Law of Observation: Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away. Or - nothing looks as good from far away
    as it does close up.

Law of Opportunity: The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

Law of Particle Physics: The shorter the life of the particle, the more it costs to produce.

Law of Political Machinery: When no viable candidate exists, someone will nominate a Kennedy.

Law of Postal Delivery: 1. Love letters, business contracts, and money you are due always arrive three weeks.
Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

Law of Practice: Plays that work in theory do not work in practice. Plays that work in practice do not work during the game.

Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Law of Product Testing: A component selected at random from a group having 99 percent reliability,
    will be a member of the 1 percent group.

Law of Productivity: When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

Law of Promotional Tours: Jet lag accumulates unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty to perform.

Law of Repair: You canít fix it if it ainít broke.

Law of Reruns: If you have watched only one episode of a TV series, and you watch it again,
    it will be a rerun of the same episode.

Law of Regressive Achievement: Last yearís model was always better.

Law of Retrospection: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Law of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

Law of Reverse Progress: The complex system that works replaces a simple system that works.

Law of Rosters: If there are two possible ways to spell a personís name, you will pick the wrong spelling.

Law of Scientific Progress: The advance of science can be measured by the rate at which exceptions
     to previously held laws accumulate.

Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage. Jenning's Corollary: The chance of the bread
     falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Law of Socioeconomics: In a hierarchical system, the rate of pay for a given task increases in inverse ratio
   to the unpleasantness and difficulty of the task.

Law of Sports Practice: Plays that work in theory do not work in practice.
    Plays that work in practice do not work during the game.

Law of Specification: In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.

Law of Superiority: The first example of superior principle is always inferior to the developed example of inferior principle.

Law of Supermarkets: The quality of the house brand varies inversely with the size of the supermarket chain.

Law of Supersession: In court, Murphyís Law supersedes local, state, and federal law.

Law of Survival: It's not who is right, it's who is left.

Law of Talent Shows: The best performer in your category will go on just before you do.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
     the very next morning you actually will have a flat tire.

Law of the Bridge: Itís always the partnerís fault.

Law of the Individual: Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.

Law of the Last Detail: If you are sure it is not important, it is

Law of the Lie: No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a percentage of people
     who believe it to be true.

Law of the Letter: The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the letter.

Law of the Lost Inch: In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly
    after 4:40 p.m. on Friday. Corollary: The correct total will become self-evident at 9:01 a.m. on Monday.

Law of the Marketplace 1: If only one price can be obtained for any quotation, the price will be unreasonable.
Weekend specials aren't.

Law of the Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Law of the Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Law of Product Testing: A component selected at random from a group having 99% reliability will be a member of the 1% group.

Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Law of Triviality: The time spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Law of Unreliability: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Lawler's Law of Furniture Buying: If you can have it quickly and it's at a good price, it won't be exactly the one you want.

Lawrence's Law: A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  Law of Digging Yourself a Hole:
No matter how shallow or how deep you dig a hole, when you fill it back up
     there's always more dirt than you started with.

Laws for Freelance Artists: 1. A high-paying rush job comes in only after you have committed to a low- paying rush job.
     Corollary: The client who pays the least asks for the most revisions. 
All rush jobs are due the same day. 
The rush job you spent all night working on won't be needed for at least two days.

Laws for Working Cooks: 1. If you're wondering if you left the coffee pot plugged in, you did. 
If you're wondering if you took the meat out to thaw, you didn't. 
If you're wondering if you need to stop and pick up bread and eggs on the way home, you do. 
If you're wondering if you have enough money to take the family out to eat tonight, you don't.

Laws of Applied Terror: 1. When viewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones will be illegible. 
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. 
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read. 
  4. The night before the English history mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course. 
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget the book.
If you are given a take- home exam, you will forget where you live. 
At the end of the semester you will recall having enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester - and never attending.

Laws of Arrival: 1. Those who live closest arrive latest. 
The only things that start on time are those for which you arrive late.

Laws of Bank Mergers: 1. Whatís good for your bank is not good for you. 
Your local branch will be the first one closed.

Laws of Business Meetings: 1. The lead in the pencil will break in direct proportion to the importance of the notes taken. 
If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong spelling.
If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

Laws of Class Scheduling: 1. If the course you wanted most has room for thirty students, you will be the thirty-first to enroll. 
Class schedules are designed so that every student will waste the maximum time between classes.
When you are occasionally able to schedule two classes in a row,
       they will be held in classrooms at opposite ends of the campus. 
A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered only during the semester following the desired course.

Laws of Committo-Dynamics: 1.Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas.
. The less you enjoy serving an committees, the more likely you are to be pressed to do so. 
Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairpersons.

Laws of Communication: 1. If it should exist, it doesn't (see also 2nd Law). 
If it does exist, it's out of date.

Laws of Computer Programming: 1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

Laws of Construction: 1. Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be. 
When taking something apart to fix a minor malfunction, you will cause a major malfunction. 
When all the screws are Phillips-head, your screwdriver isn't.

Laws of Contract Negotiations: 1. Each unacceptable offer has an equal and opposite unreasonable demand.
Any concession won if offset by a concession granted.

Laws of Gardening: 1. Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens. 
Fancy gizmos don't work. 
. If nobody uses it, there's a reason. 
You get the most of what you need the least.

Laws of Kitchen Confusion: 1. Multiple-function gadgets will not perform any function adequately.
The more expensive the gadget, the less often you will use it. 
The simpler the instruction (e.g. "Press here"), the more difficult it will be to open the package. 
In a family recipe you just discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible.
You will discover that you can't read it only after you have mixed all the other ingredients. 
Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it only makes it worse. 
You are always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare.
: If you make "duck ŗ l'orange", you will be complimented on the baked potato. 
The one ingredient you made a special trip to the store to buy will be the one thing your guest is allergic to. 
The more time and energy you put into preparing a meal, the greater the chance
        your guests will spend the entire meal discussing other meals they have had.

Laws of News Reporting: 1. The closer you are to the facts of a situation,
       the more obvious are the errors in all news coverage of the situation. 
The further you are from the facts of a situation, the more you tend to believe news coverage of the situation.

Laws of Office Murphology: 1. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it. 
Office machines that function perfectly during normal business hours will break down
        when you return to the office at night to use them for personal business. 
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. 
Envelopes and postage stamps that don't stick when you lick them will stick to other things when you don't want them to. 
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. 
The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong
        - until the next person quits or is fired.

Laws of Particle Physics: 1. The shorter the life of a particle, the more it costs to produce. 
The basic building blocks of matter do not occur in nature.

Laws of Photography: 1. The best shots happen immediately after the last frame is exposed. 
Most of your best shots are attempted through the lens cap.

Laws of Postal Deliveries: 1. Love letters, business contracts and money you are due always arrive three weeks later. 
Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

Laws of Procrastination: 1. Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination an someone else
      (the authority who imposed the deadline). 
. It reduces anxiety by reducing the expected quality of the project from the best of all possible efforts to the best
       that can be expected given the limited time. 
. Status is gained in the eyes of others, and in one's own eyes, because it is assumed
       that the importance of the work justifies the stress. 
. Avoidance of interruptions including the assignment of other duties can usually be achieved,
       so that the obviously stressed worker can concentrate on the single effort. 
. Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do. 
. It may eliminate the job if the need passes before the job can be done.

Laws of Progress: The course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse. 
  The Path of Progress
: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. 
  The Dialectics of Progress
: Direct action produces direct reaction. 
  The Pace of Progress
: Society is a mule, not a car ... If pressed too hard, it will kick and throw off its rider. 

Laws of Revision: 2. (also known as The Domino Theory): The more innocuous the modification appears to be,
    the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn. 
The more innocuous the revision appears to be at first, the further its influence will extend.

Laws of Systematics: 15. A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works. 
A complex system designed from scratch never works and cannot patched up to make it work.
          You have to start over, beginning with a working simple system.

Laws of Truth in Reporting: 1. The closer you are to the facts of a situation,
         the more obvious are the errors in all news coverage of the situation. 
The further you are away from the facts of a situation, the more you tend to believe news coverage of the situation.

LBJ's Law: If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

Le Chatelier's Principle: Complex systems tend to oppose their proper function.

Leadfield's Law: When you need to mark with a pencil, any available pencil will have a broken tip.

Leahy's Law: If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.

Lee's First Law: In any dealings with a collective body of people, the people will always be more tacky than originally expected.
  Second Law: It takes less time to do something right than it takes to explain why you did it wrong.
  Law of Electrical Repair: The simpler it looks, the more problem it hides.

Lefty Gomez's Law: If you don't throw it, they can't hit it.

Lemar's Parking Postulate: If you have parked six blocks away, you will find two new parking spaces
     right in front of the building entrance.

Leo Beiser's First Computer Axiom: When putting it into memory, remember where you put it.

Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
You are never given enough time or money.

Les Miserables Metalaw: All laws, whether good, bad or indifferent, must be obeyed to the letter.

Lesser's Law: No matter how much you honor your parents as an adult, it will not make up for your behavior as a child.

Levenson's Law: It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Levin's Law: Following the rules will not get the job done.
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

Levineís Law: Many complain of their memory, but few of their judgement.

Levy's Laws: 1. No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
Only God can make a random selection.
That segment of the community with which one has the greatest sympathy as a liberal inevitably turns out to be one
        of the most narrow-minded and bigoted segments of the community. Kelly's Reformation: Nice guys don't finish nice. 
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. 
Only God can make a random selection.

Lewis's Laws: 1. People will buy anything that's one to a customer. 
No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it you will find it on sale somewhere else for less.
  Law of Self-Employment: No matter how low you bid the job there is always an idiot out there willing to do it for less.

Lichtenberg's Law: To do just the opposite is also a form of imitation

Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Lilly's Metalaw: All laws are simulations of reality.

Lingle's Law of Corporate Snafus: If it calls for more than two directives, the problem is worse than you thought.

Linton's Law for Corporations: Growth is directly proportional to promises made;
     profit is inversely proportional to promises kept.

Linton's Law: Growth is directly proportional to promises made; profit is inversely proportional to promises kept.

Linus's Law: There is no heavier burden than a great potential.

Lisa's Law of the Office: She who hesitates is bossed. 
  Principle of Gastronomic Imbalance:
The rice cakes you ate for lunch don't cancel out the chocolate donut
       you grabbed for breakfast.

Livingston's Laws of Fat: 1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn. 
A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.
Two fat people will walk side by side, whether they know each other or not.

Liz Taylor's Observation: The problem with people who have no vices is that you generally can be pretty sure they're are going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Liz's Law: If you spend hours trying to sign on a busy server, your connection will be lost as soon as you get on.

Lodge's Law of Life: Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round.

Lofta's Lament for Workers: No employer can leave well enough alone.

Lofta's Lament: Nobody can leave well enough alone.

Loftus's Fifth Law of Management: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know
    who wrote the book or even what book. 
  Theory on Personnel Recruitment: 1.
Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.
Personnel recruiting is a triumph of hope over experience.

Logan's Lament: Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

London's Law of Libraries: No matter which book you need, it's on the bottom shelf.

Long's Law: Natural Laws have no pity.

Lord Balfour's Contention: Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.

Lord Cohen's Comment: The feasibility of an operation is not the best indication for its performance.

Lord Falkland's Rule: When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Louie's Laws of Horseracing: 1. The one you almost bet on is the one that wins. 
You can pick the winner of any race you don't bet on. 
The Daily Double is a wager that allows you to lose two races for the price of one.

Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else. 
  Business Dictum:
When it comes to avoiding a decision, don't procrastinate. 
  First Political Principle:
There is no sincerity like a politician telling a lie. 
  Household Maxim:
If you think you left it on and return to check it, it will be off;
      if you think you might have left it on and don't return to check it, it will be on.
 Law of Driving:
There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn. 
 Law of Courteous Driving:
If you allow one car to slip in front of you in a turning lane,
      that car will be the last one to make the turn before the traffic light changes. 
  Law of Living:
As soon as you're doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else. 
  Other Advice:
Never rely on a person who uses "party" as a verb.

Lowe's Law: Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.

Lowery's Law: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway [also Sry's Law].

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.

Lucas's 1. Law: No one has ever erected a monument to a committee. 
  2. Law:
People who are late are much jollier than those who wait for them.
  Computer Laws: 1. Your most important program will require more memory than you have.
    2. If you have enough memory, you will not have enough disk space.
     3. If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it will crash.
      4. If the program is running perfectly, it is waiting for a critical moment before it crashes.
   Law of Negotiation: A negotiation shall be considered as successful if all parties walk away screwed.

Lucky's Law of Mechanics: After spending forty-five minutes on a repair, you discover a five-minute way to do it.

Lunsford's Rule of Scientific Endeavor: The simple explanation always follows the complex solution.

Luposchainsky's Hurry-Up-and-Wait Principle: If you're early, it'll be cancelled.
    If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will have to wait. If you're late, you will be too late.

Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. 
Law of Equity:
The hot stock you purchase stops moving on the day you purchase it. 
Law of the Elevator:
The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.


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This page was last updated on 03 August, 2018