Red Barons Webseiten
IBM Pollyanna Principle: Machines should work people should think.
Iles's Law: There is always an easier
way to do it. Corollaries: 1. When looking
directly at the easier way,
Imbesi's Law of the Conservation of Filth: In order for something to
become clean, something else must become dirty.
Imhoff's Law: The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank-the really big chunks always rise to the top.
Indisputable Law of Sports Contracts: The more money a free agent signs
Inge's Axiom: It is useless for sheep to pass resolutions in favor of
vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion.
Ingersoll's Law of Nature: In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.
Irene's Law of Dating: There is no right way to say the wrong thing.
Irishman's Lemma: Faith is believin' what you know ain't so.
Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
Irv's Law of Golf: Any swing improvement will only last three holes.
Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will
soften when stale.
Issawi's Law of the Conservation of Evil: The total amount of evil in any
system remains constant. Hence, any diminution
Issawi-Wilcox Principle: Problems increase in geometric ratio, solutions in arithmetic ratio.
J. S. Gillette's Commentary on Decisions: I always know what I want ... I just keep changing my mind.
J. T.'s Law of Technical Support:
The better the customer service, the sooner you
get to speak with someone
J. W.'s Rule: There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.
J. Walker's Rule: On the morning you get to sleep in, somebody nearby is raising a racket.
Jacob's Law: To err is human; to blame it on someone else is even more human.
Jacobson's Law: The less work an organization produces, the most frequently it reorganizes.
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Jaffe's Precept: There are some things that are impossible to know - but it is impossible to know these things.
James's Principle: There is no greater lie than a truth misunderstood.
Jana and Marsha's Law of the Beauty Shop: The most flattering comments on
your hair come the day
Jana's Definition: If you want it but you don't, and you can't
understand it but you do, it must be love.
Janda's Law: When you finally meet the perfect woman, she will be waiting for the perfect man.
Jane's Observation: Plastic tape sticks to itself better than it sticks to anything else.
Japanese Proverb: The reverse side also has a reverse side.
The distance you have to park from your apartment increases
in proportion to the weight of packages
Jaruk's Second Law: If it would be cheaper to buy a new unit, the company
will insist upon repairing the old one.
Jay's First Law of Leadership: Changing things is central to leadership,
and changing them
J. Edwards' Dictum on Photography: As soon as you have the shot perfectly framed, someone will walk into the picture.
Jean's Law: The lightest-colored fabric attracts the darkest-colored stain.
Procrastination: Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Jefferson’s Axiom: We rarely repent of
having eaten too little.
Jensen's Law: Win or lose, you lose.
Jerome's Rule: It is always the best policy to speak the truth - unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerry's Law: Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
Jessica's Rule of Billing Disputes: If the problem is not resolved in the first two minutes it will not be solved that day.
Jilly and Rob's Conclusion: Life is too serious to be taken very seriously.
Jilly's Law of the Post Office: A Guaranteed Delivery Date is a guaranty
that your delivery will take place on a day
Jim Murray’s First Rule: Nothing is ever so bad it can’t be made worse by firing the coach.
Jo Peed's Very General Law of Life in General: If you wish it would, it won't; unless you don't, in which case it probably will.
Joe's Law: The inside contact that you have developed at great expense is the first person to be let go in any reorganization.
John Stone's Maxim: Start low, then taper off.
John's Collateral Corollary: In order to get a loan you must first prove
you don't need it.
Johnson and Laird's Law: A toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
Johnson's New Year's Party Dictum: Nothing is more hopeless than a
scheme of merriment.
Jolly’s Law of Influence: The less people listen, the more correct you are.
Jones's Laws: 1. Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any
field of endeavor, and stays in that field long enough,
Jong's Law: Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
Jordan's Law: An informant who never produces misinformation is too deviant to be trusted.
Jose's Axiom: Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent.
Josh's Law: When all else fails, try your wife's suggestion.
Joubert’s Principle: Kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.
Jowett’s Law: The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit of doing them.
Joy's Primary Rule of Gardening: The first plant that snails attack
is the plant you love most.
Laws: 1. Humans are the only animals able to
retrace their steps to make the mistakes they had previously avoided.
Judge Fanin's Law: Liability follows damages.
Juhani's Law: The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising.
Junior's Law: Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Just’s Law of Traffic Behavior: The more decrepit the vehicle, the more maniacal the driver.
Kagel's Law: Anything adjustable will
eventually need adjustment.
Kaiser's Comment: Never open a can of worms unless you plan to go fishing
Kamin's Sixth Law: When attempting to predict and forecast macro-economic
moves of economic legislation by a politician,
Kaner's Theory of Futility: There is never a right time for things to go wrong.
Karen's Checkbook Law for Women: Whatever you are looking for is in
the other purse.
Karinthy's Definition: A bus is a vehicle that goes on the other side in the opposite direction.
Karl's Second Law of Computer Programming: The program that performs best will be revised.
Kate's Law of Business Lunches: A spill lands on the most visible area of your clothing.
Katz's Law: People and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Kauffman's First Law of Airports: The distance to the gate is
inversely proportional to the time available to catch your flight.
Kavaleski's Dictum: If credit can possibly go to someone else, it will.
Kaye's Airline Observation: The heavier the suitcase, the farther the
walk to check in.
Kaylin's Shopping Axiom: If you like it and can afford it, it won't be
available when you want it.
Kegley's Law: If a pickpocket meets a saint, he sees only his pockets
Keiper's Warning: No boss will keep an employee who proves him wrong.
Keller's Theory of the Conservation of Work: The less it needs to be
done, the slower it gets done.
Kelley's Law: Nothing is ever as simple as it first seems.
Kelly's First Law of Aerial Navigation: The most important
information on any chart is on the fold, which is torn.
Kelso's Law of Cable TV: The only worthwhile programs of the night will broadcast on stations you don't receive.
Ken's Law: A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
Kennedy's Comment on Committees: A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair
or replacement will be housed
Kent's Family Law: Never change your plans because of the weather.
Kepler's Law of Ecology: Nature uses as little as possible of anything.
Kepler's Law of Ecology: Nature uses as little as possible of everything.
Kerr-Martin Laws: 1. In dealing with their own problems, faculty
members are the most extreme conservatives.
Keye's First Axiom: Any quotation that can be changed will be.
Kierkegaard's Observation: Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Kim's Rule on Committees: If an hour has been spent amending a sentence, someone will move to delete the paragraph.
Kinney's Rule: To spot the doctor, pick the one who still has his appendix and tonsils.
Kirby's Comment on Committees: A committee is the only life form with twelve stomachs and no brain.
Axiom: University politics are vicious precisely because the
stakes are so small.
Kitman's Law: Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
Kline’s Rule of Contract Law: The one document missing will contain the information upon which all the other documents depend.
Klipstein's Laws of General Engineering: 1. A patent application will
be preceded by one week by a similar application
Knagg's Derivative of Murphy's Law: The more complicated and grandiose the plan, the greater the chance of failure.
The number of
bogus selections returned on a search increases exponentially
Knox's Principle of Star Quality: Whenever a superstar is traded to your
favorite team, he fades.
Kohn’s Collary to Murphy’s Law: Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Kovac's Conundrum: You never get a busy signal, when you dial a wrong number.
Kranske's Law: Beware of the day during which you don't have something to (bitch) complain about.
Kranske's Law: Beware of the day during which you don't have something to complain about.
Krouscup's Law of Supply: If you don't need it and don't want it, there is always plenty of it.
How feeble are Man's efforts against the unyielding forces of
Nature - until the struggle
Kulka’s Law of Politics: Never trust one politician’s characterization of another politician’s record.
Kurtin's Law of Survival: It's not who is right, it's who is left.
Kushner's Law: The chances of anybody doing anything are inversely
proportional to the number of other people
Kyle's Creative Caveat: Originality is the art of restarting
something everyone else has forgotten.
Kylie's Law of Keys: You will lock yourself out of the house only when no one else is home.