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Maahs' Law: Things go right so they can go wrong.

Mable's Medicinal Maxim: You never get just one pill out of a prescription bottle.

Macaulay’s Maxim: Nothing is so useless as a general maxim.

Macbeth's Comment on Evolution: The best theory is not ipso facto a good theory.

MacDonald’s Law: Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.

MacPherson's Theory of Entropy: It requires less energy to take an object out of its proper place than to put it back

Mae West's Observation: To err is human, but it feels divine.
  on Marriage: Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Maier's Laws: 1. If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. 
The bigger the theory, the better. Corollary: TThe experiment may be considered a success
         if no more than 50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory.

Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

Malone's Law of the Household: If you wait for a repairman, you'll wait all day. If you go out for five minutes,
    he'll arrive and leave while you're gone.

Manker's Rule: No bill changer accepts your dollar bill on the first try.

Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Mann's Law: If a scientist uncovers a publishable fact it will become central to his theory.
His theory, in turn, will become central to all scientific thought.
  Proposition: Any politician who perceives the problem insists upon full credit for its solution.

Mansfield's Law: When you make a right decision, your reasons are sure to be wrong.

Manson's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

Manubay's Laws for Programmers: 1. If a programmer's modification of an existing program works,
      it's probably not what the users want.  
Users don't know what they really want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

Marbury's Rule: The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.

Marcus’s Second Law: Nothing in evolution is without precedent; even the most wondrous adaptations are modifications of
    pre-existing systems.

Margaret's Investment Axiom: The stock goes up until you buy it.

Marge's Law: People who don't believe in anything will believe the worst of other people.

Margot's Law: Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

Maria's Principle of Retrieval: Anything mistakenly thrown in the thrash will be retrieved
      only after the thrash can is full an messy.  
  Theory of the Only Good Song:
If you buy a CD for a song you absolutely love, all the rest of the songs will be lousy.

Mark’s Rule: Laziness is often mistaken for patience.

Mark Twain's Advice: Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Marks's Law of Monetary Equalization: A fool and your money are soon partners.

Marla's Principle of Retrieval: Anything mistakenly thrown in the trash will be retrieved only
    after the trash can is full and messy.

Marquette's Law of Home Repair: 1. A lost tool will be found immediately upon purchasing a new one. 
The first replacement part you buy will be the wrong size.

Marquis’s Motto: An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.

Mars' Rule: An expert is anyone from out of town.

Marshall's First Law of the Legislature: Never let the facts get in the way of carefully-thought-out bad decision.

Martin's Money Maxim: It takes a lot of borrowing to live within your income. 
The more reasonable the estimate, the more likely a cost overrun. 
  Universal Law:
Nothing is ever so good or so bad that it can't expand to be more so.

Marx's Rule of Politics: As soon as they become rich, they become Republican.

Maryann's Law: You can always find what you're not looking for.

Mason's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut on the market.

Matilda's Law of Subcommittee Formation: If you leave the room, you're elected.

Matsch's Maxim: A fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain;
     everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody. 
  First Law:
It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.
  Second Law:
If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong,
     it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong.

Matsui's Law of Business Calls: The most persistent callers have the last important business.

Matz's Maxim: A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 
  Rule Regarding Medications:
A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report. 
Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

Maugham's Observation: It is easier to give up good habits than bad ones.
  First Rule: Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
  Second Rule: People ask for criticism, but they only want praise.
  Third Rule: There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what there are.

Maureen's Axiom: If it looks great and it's on sale, it won't fit.

Maury's Law: No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.

May's Law of Stratigraphy: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control.

Maynard's First Rule of Committees: The effectiveness of a committee is in inverse proportion to the number of its members.

Mayne's Law: Nobody notices your biggest errors.

Mazur's Law: No matter how low the price of the computer you purchased,
    you will find a more powerful computer for a lower price within one week of your purchase.

McAuley's Axiom: If a system is of sufficient complexity,
    it will be built before it is designed, implemented before it is tested and outdated before it is debugged.

McCabe's Maxim: Honesty has ruined more marriages than infidelity.

McCandlish's Law of Unjust Bureaucracy: Any system of justice in which ignorance of the law is no excuse,
    but in which there are too many laws for any one person to know and remember, is by definition unjust.

McCarthy's First Maxim: The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.
  Second Maxim: A football coach has to be smart enough to understand the game but dumb enough to think it's important.

McClaughry's Codicil to Jones' Motto: To make an enemy, do someone a favor. 
  Law of Zoning:
Where zoning is not needed, it will work perfectly. Where it is desperately needed, it always breaks down.

McClellan's Law of Cognition: Only new categories escape the stereotyped thinking associated with old abstractions.

McDonald's Laws: 1. It's tough to get reallocated when you're the one who's redundant. 
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them. 
  Rule of Farming:
The thing most often raised on land is taxes.

McDougal's Rule: To be popular, give people good news about their bad habits.

McFee's Maxim: Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can be lost.

McGee's First Law: It's amazing how long it takes to complete something you are not working on.

McGoorty's Maxim: One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

McGovern' Law: The longer the title, the less important the job.

McGowan's Madison Avenue or Christmas Shopping Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50,"
    you can bet it's not $19.95.

McGuffin's Law: It's easy to see the bright side of other people's problems.

McKee's Law: When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop.

McKenna's First Rule of the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet: That which should be hot will be cold.
    That which should be cold will be luke-warm.

McKernan's Maxim: Those who are unable to learn from past meetings are condemned to repeat them.

McLaughlin's Law: In a key position in every genealogy you will find a John Smith from London.

McMahon's Rule: No matter what you search for, at least one porn site will match your criteria.

McNally's Third Law of Driving: When searching for a location, if you are unsure whether to make a left turn,
     a right turn or a U-turn, any turn made will be wrong.

McNaughton's Rule: Any argument worth making within the bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed
     in a simple declarative sentence that is obviously true once stated.

McNulty's Rule: First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

McPherson's General Law: The chaos in the universe always increases. 
  Special Law:
The workbench is always untidier than last time. 
  Theory of Entropy:
I requires less energy to take an object out of its proper place than to put it back.

Meader's Law: Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to everyone you know, only more so.

Meadow's Maxim: You can't push a rope.

Meckler on Research: If the sampling is large, it will be criticized as unfocused.
    If the sampling is small, it will be criticized as insignificant.

Medawar's Law: The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.

Meeker's Observation on Corporate Brainstorming: Ambiguity plays better than silence.

Meissner's Law: Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.

Melinda' Law: At every large family reunion there is an Uncle Waldo from Poughkeepsie whom nobody knows.

Melnick's Law: If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

Mencken's Maxim: There's always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
  Principle: Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking

Mencken's Maxim: There's always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

Mendelson's Laws: 1. No case settles before it is fully billed. 
There is no such thing as "our" attorney.

Meredith's Law for Grad School Survival: Never let your major professor know that you exist.

Merkin's Big-Bang Theory of Chaos: Disorder expands.

Maxim: When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.

Meskimen's Law: There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

Metcalfe's Law: The value of a Net goes up as the square of the number of people on that net.

Meyer's Laws: 1. In a social situation, that which is most difficult to do is usually the right thing to do. 
It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task to make them simple.

Michael's Management Maxim: It is infinitely easier to propose a solution than to define the problem.

Michehl's Rule for Prospective Mountain Climbers: The mountain gets steeper as you get closer.
  Forthingham's Corollary:
The mountain looks closer than it is.

Michelson's Law of Automobile Repair: Any part, bolt, nut or screw, when dropped,
     will roll under the geographic center of the automobile. Corollary: ... Unless there is a drain.

Mickel's Law: Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain.

Mika's Axiom: If it's not covered by a law or regulation, it soon will be.

Miles' Law: Where you stand depends on where you sit. Fibley's Extension: Where you sit depends on who you know.

Millard’s Law: The absent are always wrong.

Millay's Maxim: It is not true that life is one damn thing after another - it's one damn thing over and over.

Miller's Laws: 1. You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it. 
Exceptions prove the rule - and wreck the budget. 
  Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens. 
  Lesson from Boot Camp:
Contradictory orders are meant to be followed, not questioned. 
In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.

Milliken's Maxim: Insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results.

Milroy’s Law: All machines have an innate sense of irresponsibility.

Milsap’s Rule:  Nothing is as good as it seemed beforehand.

Milstead's Christmas Card Rule: After you've mailed your last card, you will receive a card from someone you overlooked. 
  Driving Principle:
When you need to stop at a light to put on make-up, every light will be green.

Minsky’s Maxim: No computer has ever been designed that is aware of what it’s doing, but most of the time, we aren’t either.

Minton's Law of Painting: Any paint, regardless of quality or composition, will adhere permanently to any surface,
    prepared or otherwise, if applied accidentally.

Miraglia' Rule of Law: Never make a major policy change on a close vote.

Mischa's Mantra: Never ask for what you deserve.

Mishlove's Law: Never trust a lawyer who says he just slapped something together.

Mitchell's Laws of Committology: 1. Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough conferences are held to discuss it. 
Once the way to screw up a project is presented for consideration it will invariably be accepted as the soundest solution. 
After the solution screws up the project, all those who initially endorsed it will say,
       "I wish I had voiced my reservations at that time".

Mizner's First Law: Misery loves company but company does not reciprocate.
  Second Law: God help those who do not help themselves.

Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented, it wasn't worth doing.

Mom's Law: A show-off is any child who is more talented than yours.

Montgomery's Law of the 401 Internet Error: The more you need a particular website, the more likely it no
    longer exists on the server.

Moore's Law (Simplified): Computer power doubles and prices halve every eighteen months.

Moreau's Law of Insurance: The problem with insurance is you are always hoping that you are wasting your money.

Morley's Rule: No one is lonely while eating spaghetti.

Morris's Assembly Paradox: If you put it together correctly the first time,
    there was something you should have done before you put it together. 
  First Law: Marriage is not a word but a sentence
  Second Law:
Anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong - the true test is admitting it to someone else. 
  Law of Conferences:
The most interesting paper will be scheduled simultaneously with the second most interesting paper.

Moseley's Law: Executive behaviour is based on the managerial myth that future organizational expansion
    will resolve past institutional incompetence.

Mosely's Law: Accidents happen when two people try to be clever at the same time.

Moser's Law of Spectator Sports: Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.

Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet remains a constant; the population, however, continues to grow.

Mr. Cooper's Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it.
    The piece will make perfect sense without it.
   Bogovich's Corollary:
If the piece makes no sense without the word, it will make no sense with the word.

Mrs. Crain's Household Dictum: If it's flat, somebody will stack something on it.

Mrs. Fergus's Observation: The lost sock reappears only after its match has been discarded.

Mrs. Jansen's Law of Gardening: One pulled weed leads to another.

Mr. Mendelson's Law: Ten percent of your clients give you ninety percent of your grief.

Mrs. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will - when Mr. Murphy is away.

Mrs. Weiler's Law: Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough.

Muench's Law: Nothing improves an innovation like lack of controls.

Muggeridge’s Tenet: One of the many pleasures of old age is giving things up.

Muir's Law: When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

Mullin's Observation: Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Mumford's Maxim: Traditionalists are pessimists about the future and optimists about the past.

Munder's Theorem: For every "10" there are ten "1".

Munroe's Teaching Principle: A little inaccuracy can save a lot of explanation.

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. Corollaries: 1. Nothing is as easy as it looks. 
Everything takes longer than you think it will. 
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these,
         then a fifth way will promptly develop. 
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Farnsdick's Corollary: After things have gone from bad to worse,
         the cycle will repeat itself. 
. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. 
. Every solution breeds a problem. 
. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. 
. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw (also called Benedict's Principle).  
. Mother nature is a bitch.

Addenda to Murphy's Law: 1. In precise mathematical term, 1 + 1 = 2, where "=" is a symbol meaning "seldom if ever".
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
  Bloch's Corollary:
If everything can go wrong, it will.
  Comment: When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
  Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Law:
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. 
  Hill's Commentaries on Murphy's Law: 1.
If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care. 
If we have nothing to lose by change, relax. 
. If we have everything to gain by change, relax. 
If it doesn't matter, it does not matter. 
  Kohn's Corollary to Murphy's Law:
Two wrongs are only the beginning. 
  McDonald's Corollary to Murphy's Law:
In any given set of circumstances,
    the proper course of action is determined by subsequent events. 
  Murphy's Comment:
When things go wrong, don't go with them
  Nagler's Comment on the Origin of Murphy's Law:
Murphy's Law was propounded not by Murphy
    but by another man of the same name. 
  NBC's Addendum to Murphy's Law:
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
  O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist. Goldberg's Commentary: O'Toole was an optimist. 
  Royster's Refinement of Murphy's Law:
When things go wrong somewhere, they are apt to go wrong everywhere.
   Schnatterly's Summing up of the Corollaries: If anything can't go wrong it will.

Murphy's Airport Axiom: Your flight never leaves from gate #1.
  Asymmetry Principle:
Things go wrong all at once, but things right gradually.
It takes no time at all to break a test instrument, but it takes forever to have it repaired.
  Clarification of Thomas Wolfe's Law: You can go home again - you just can't stay there.
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
  Computer System Definitions: Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. 
     Software: The parts of a computer system that don’t work. 
     Hard Disk: The part of a computer system that freezes up at the worst possible time. 
      Peripherals: The parts that are incompatible with your computer system. 
      Printer: The part of a computer system that jams when you are not looking.
      Cable: The part of a computer system that is too short. 
see cursing.
An operation that is never performed on time. 
      Restore: A procedure that works perfectly until it is needed.
      Memory: The part of a computer system that is insufficient.
    Error Message:
A request to OK the destruction of your own data.
The part of a computer system that cannot be found.
      Processor: The part of a computer system that is obsolete.
      Manual: The element of your computer system that is incomprehensible.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. 
  Excuses for Workers: 2.
"That's the way we've always done it." 
"How did I know this was different?"  
  Final Excuse for Workers:
"I wasn't hired to do that." Corollaries: 1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these,
           a fifth way will promptly develop. 5: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. 
  First Law of Dieting :
The first pounds you lose are in areas where you didn't want to lose them. 
  First Political Principle:
No politician talks taxes during an election year.
  Last Law:
If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial
      for them to have gone wrong. Farnsdick's Corollary: All things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
  Law for Account Executives:
The information you have is not what you need. 
  Law for Movers:
The box containing the most valuable delicate object will be the one dropped
  Law of Copies:
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance. 
  Law of Government:
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate. 
  Law of Punctuality:
Being punctual means only that your mistake will be made on time. 
  Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  Law of Supply:
If you don't need it and don't want it, you can have plenty of it. 
  Law of Thermodynamics:
Things get worse under pressure. 
  Law of Topology: The shortest distance between two points is a downward spiral.
  Laws for Husbands: 1. If you run into an old girlfriend - no matter how innocently - your wife will know about it
            before you get home.
The first time you go out after your wife's birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
        Corollary: If she's with you, she'll assume you chose it because it was cheap. 
The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife. 
Your wife's stored possessions will always be on top of your stored possessions.
  Laws for Wives: 1.
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at a store and then add one more as an afterthought,
          he'll forget two of the first five. 
The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you. 
Whatever arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's job will be easier. 
  Laws of Technology: 1. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
   2. The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.  
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management..
  Laws of the Kitchen: 3.
The mixing bowl you need is always dirty. 
When the meal you are preparing is on schedule, the guests will be forty-five minutes late.
When the guests are on time, the meal will be forty-five minutes late.
  Laws of the Office: 1.
Copying machines mangle only important documents.
If a machine goes wild and runs off 180 copies, it will do so only when you are copying a personal letter.
If you want it done quickly, it won't be done correctly.  
  Mathematical Axiom: For large values of one, one approaches two, for small values of two, one approaches one.
Doing it the hard way is always easier. 
  Principle of Infinity:
You never run out of things that can go wrong. 
  Second Law for Husbands:
The gifts you buy your wife are never as apropos as the gifts your neighbour buys his wife.  
  Rule of the Term Paper:
The book or periodical most vital to the completion of your term paper
    will be missing from the library. Corollary: If it is available, the most important page will be torn out.
  Saving Grace:
The worst is the enemy of the bad.
  Second Law of Construction:
When taking something apart to fix a minor malfunction, you will cause a major malfunction.
  Time/Action Quandary:
You never know how soon it is too late.
  Third Law of Luggage:
The lost piece of luggage contains the most necessary personal items.
  Uncertainty Principle: You can know something has gone wrong only when you make an odd number of mistakes. 
  Universal Laws: 1.
If there is a wrong way to do it, you will find it. If there is no wrong way to do it, you will find it.
If they say "You'll get used to it", you won't.

Murray's Definition: A pessimist is someone who has spent time with an optimist
  Laws: 1. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut. 
Never ask a salesperson if it's a good price.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
   4. Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
   5. Law sufficiently complex is indistinguishable from no law at all.     
  Rules of the Arena: 1.
Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 
The wrong quarterback is the one that's in there. 
A free agent is anything but. 
Hockey is a game played by six good players and the home team. 
Whatever can go to New York, will.

Myers's Theory of Research: The larger the statistical sampling, the more the data tends to contradict itself.

Mynard's Mechanical Maxim: After an access cover has been time stakingly secured by multiple tiny screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.


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This page was last updated on 03 August, 2018