Maahs' Law: Things go right so they can go wrong.
Mable's Medicinal Maxim: You never get just one pill out of a
Macaulay’s Maxim: Nothing is so useless
as a general maxim.
Macbeth's Comment on Evolution: The best theory is not ipso facto
a good theory.
MacDonald’s Law: Consultants are
mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to
MacPherson's Theory of Entropy: It requires less
energy to take an object out of its proper place than to put it back
Mae West's Observation: To err is human, but it feels divine.
on Marriage: Marriage is a great institution, but I'm
not ready for an institution.
Maier's Laws: 1. If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must
be disposed of.
2. The bigger the theory, the better. Corollary:
TThe experiment may be considered a success
if no more than 50% of the
observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government
Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Malone's Law of the Household: If you wait for a repairman, you'll wait
all day. If you go out for five minutes,
he'll arrive and leave while you're
Manker's Rule: No bill changer accepts your dollar bill on the first try.
Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
conclusion with confidence.
Mann's Law: If a scientist uncovers a publishable fact it will become
central to his theory.
Corollary: His theory, in turn, will become
central to all scientific thought.
Proposition: Any politician who perceives the problem
insists upon full credit for its solution.
Mansfield's Law: When you make a right
decision, your reasons are sure to be wrong.
Manson's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for
something, souls are a glut.
Manubay's Laws for Programmers: 1. If a programmer's modification of an
existing program works,
it's probably not what the users want.
don't know what they really want, but they know for certain what they don't
Marbury's Rule: The richer your
friends, the more they will cost you.
Marcus’s Second Law: Nothing in
evolution is without precedent; even the most wondrous adaptations are
Margaret's Investment Axiom: The stock
goes up until you buy it.
Marge's Law: People who don't believe
in anything will believe the worst of other people.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but
wish we didn't.
Maria's Principle of Retrieval: Anything mistakenly thrown in the thrash
will be retrieved
only after the thrash can is full an messy.
Theory of the
Only Good Song: If you buy a CD for a song you absolutely love, all the rest
of the songs will be lousy.
Mark’s Rule: Laziness is often mistaken
Mark Twain's Advice:
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Marks's Law of Monetary Equalization: A fool and your money are soon
Marla's Principle of Retrieval:
Anything mistakenly thrown in the trash will be retrieved only
after the trash can is full and messy.
Marquette's Law of Home Repair: 1. A
lost tool will be found immediately upon purchasing a new one.
2. The first replacement part you buy will be the wrong
Marquis’s Motto: An idea isn’t responsible
for the people who believe in it.
Mars' Rule: An expert is anyone from out of town.
Marshall's First Law of the Legislature: Never let the facts get in the way
of carefully-thought-out bad decision.
Martin's Money Maxim: It takes a lot of borrowing to live within your
Rule: The more reasonable the estimate, the more likely a cost
Universal Law: Nothing is ever so good or so bad that it can't
expand to be more so.
Marx's Rule of Politics: As soon as they become rich, they become
Maryann's Law: You can always find what you're not looking for.
Mason's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for
something, souls are a glut on the market.
Matilda's Law of Subcommittee Formation: If you leave the room, you're
Matsch's Maxim: A fool in a high station is like a man
on the top of
a high mountain;
everything appears small to him and he appears small to
First Law: It's better to have a horrible ending than to have
horrors without end.
If several things that could have gone wrong have
not gone wrong,
it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone
Matsui's Law of Business Calls:
The most persistent callers have the last
Matz's Maxim: A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
Rule Regarding Medications: A drug is that substance which,
when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.
Observation: It is easier to give up good habits
than bad ones.
First Rule: Only a mediocre person is always at his
Second Rule: People ask for criticism, but they only
Third Rule: There are three rules for writing a novel.
Unfortunately, no one knows what there are.
If it looks great and it's on sale, it won't fit.
No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
May's Law of Stratigraphy:
The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to
the density of control.
Maynard's First Rule of Committees:
The effectiveness of a committee is in inverse
proportion to the number of its members.
Nobody notices your biggest errors.
No matter how low the price of the computer you purchased,
you will find a more powerful computer for a lower price within one week of your
If a system is of sufficient complexity,
it will be built
before it is designed, implemented before it is tested and outdated before it is
McCabe's Maxim: Honesty has ruined more
marriages than infidelity.
McCandlish's Law of Unjust
Bureaucracy: Any system of justice in which
ignorance of the law is no excuse,
but in which there are too many laws for any
one person to know and remember, is by definition unjust.
McCarthy's First Maxim:
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.
Second Maxim: A football coach has to be smart enough to
understand the game but dumb enough to think it's important.
McClaughry's Codicil to Jones' Motto: To make an enemy, do someone a
Law of Zoning: Where zoning is not needed, it will work perfectly.
Where it is desperately needed, it always breaks down.
McClellan's Law of Cognition: Only new categories escape the stereotyped
thinking associated with old abstractions.
McDonald's Laws: 1. It's tough to get reallocated when you're the one
2. Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for
a number and then give it back to them.
Rule of Farming: The thing most
often raised on land is taxes.
To be popular, give people good news about their bad habits.
McFee's Maxim: Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it
can be lost.
McGee's First Law: It's amazing how long it takes to complete something
you are not working on.
McGoorty's Maxim: One of the worst
things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.
McGovern' Law: The longer the title, the less important the job.
McGowan's Madison Avenue or Christmas Shopping Axiom: If an item is
advertised as "under $50,"
you can bet it's not $19.95.
It's easy to see the bright side of other people's problems.
McKee's Law: When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn
green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop.
McKenna's First Rule of the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet: That which should be
hot will be cold.
That which should be cold will be luke-warm.
McKernan's Maxim: Those who are unable to learn from past meetings are
condemned to repeat them.
McLaughlin's Law: In a key position in every genealogy you will find a
John Smith from London.
No matter what you search for, at least one porn site will
match your criteria.
McNally's Third Law of Driving: When searching for a location, if you are
unsure whether to make a left turn,
a right turn or a U-turn, any turn made will
McNaughton's Rule: Any argument worth making within the bureaucracy must
be capable of being expressed
in a simple declarative sentence that is obviously
true once stated.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
McPherson's General Law: The chaos in the universe always increases.
Law: The workbench is always untidier than last time.
Theory of Entropy: I
requires less energy to take an object out of its proper place than to put it
Meader's Law: Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened
to everyone you know, only more so.
Meadow's Maxim: You can't push a rope.
Meckler on Research: If the sampling is large, it will be criticized as
If the sampling is small, it will be criticized as insignificant.
Medawar's Law: The human mind treats a
new idea the way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
Meeker's Observation on Corporate Brainstorming: Ambiguity plays better
Meissner's Law: Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.
Melinda' Law: At every large family reunion there is an Uncle Waldo from
Poughkeepsie whom nobody knows.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
Maxim: There's always an easy solution to every human problem -
neat, plausible, and wrong.
Principle: Conscience is the inner voice that warns us
somebody may be looking
There's always an easy solution to every human problem -
neat, plausible, and wrong.
Mendelson's Laws: 1.
No case settles before it is fully billed.
is no such thing as "our" attorney.
Meredith's Law for Grad School Survival: Never let your major professor
know that you exist.
Merkin's Big-Bang Theory of Chaos: Disorder expands.
Maxim: When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.
Meskimen's Law: There's never time to do it right, but there's always
time to do it over.
The value of a Net goes up as the square of the number of
people on that net.
Meyer's Laws: 1. In a social situation, that which is most difficult
to do is usually the right thing to do.
2. It is a simple task to make
things complex, but a complex task to make them simple.
Michael's Management Maxim: It is infinitely easier to propose a solution
than to define the problem.
Michehl's Rule for Prospective Mountain Climbers: The mountain gets
steeper as you get closer.
Forthingham's Corollary: The mountain
looks closer than it is.
Michelson's Law of Automobile Repair: Any part, bolt, nut or screw, when
will roll under the geographic center of the automobile. Corollary:
... Unless there is a drain.
Mickel's Law: Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain.
Mika's Axiom: If it's not covered by a
law or regulation, it soon will be.
Miles' Law: Where you stand depends on where you sit. Fibley's
Extension: Where you sit depends on who you know.
Millard’s Law: The absent are always
Millay's Maxim: It is not true that life is one damn thing after another
- it's one damn thing over and over.
Miller's Laws: 1. You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step
2. Exceptions prove the rule - and wreck the budget.
Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
Boot Camp: Contradictory orders are meant to be followed, not questioned.
In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it
Milliken's Maxim: Insanity is doing the
same thing the same way and expecting different results.
Milroy’s Law: All machines have an
innate sense of irresponsibility.
Milsap’s Rule: Nothing is as good as
it seemed beforehand.
Milstead's Christmas Card Rule: After you've mailed your last card,
you will receive a card from someone you overlooked.
Driving Principle: When
you need to stop at a light to put on make-up, every light will be green.
Minsky’s Maxim: No computer has ever been
designed that is aware of what it’s doing, but most of the time, we aren’t
Minton's Law of Painting: Any paint, regardless of quality or
composition, will adhere permanently to any surface,
prepared or otherwise, if
Miraglia' Rule of Law: Never make a major policy change on a close vote.
Mischa's Mantra: Never ask for what you deserve.
Mishlove's Law: Never trust a lawyer who says he just slapped something
Mitchell's Laws of Committology: 1. Any simple problem can be made
insoluble if enough conferences are held to discuss it.
2. Once the way
to screw up a project is presented for consideration it will invariably be
accepted as the soundest solution.
3. After the solution screws up the
project, all those who initially endorsed it will say,
"I wish I had voiced
my reservations at that time".
Mizner's First Law:
Misery loves company but company does not reciprocate.
Second Law: God help those who do not help themselves.
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and
be implemented, it wasn't worth doing.
A show-off is any child who is more talented than yours.
Montgomery's Law of the 401 Internet
Error: The more you need a particular website, the
more likely it no
longer exists on the server.
Moore's Law (Simplified):
Computer power doubles and prices halve every eighteen
Moreau's Law of Insurance: The problem
with insurance is you are always hoping that you are wasting your money.
Morley's Rule: No one is lonely while
Assembly Paradox: If you put it together correctly
the first time,
there was something you should have done before you put it
First Law: Marriage is not a word but a sentence
Anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong - the true test is admitting
it to someone else.
The most interesting paper will be scheduled simultaneously
with the second most interesting paper.
Executive behaviour is based on the managerial myth that
future organizational expansion
will resolve past institutional incompetence.
Accidents happen when two people try to be clever at the same
Moser's Law of Spectator Sports: Exciting plays occur only while you are
watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.
Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet remains a
constant; the population, however, continues to grow.
Mr. Cooper's Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of
technical writing, ignore it.
The piece will make perfect sense without it.
Corollary: If the piece makes no sense without the word, it will make no
sense with the word.
Mrs. Crain's Household Dictum: If it's flat, somebody will stack
something on it.
Mrs. Fergus's Observation: The lost sock reappears only after its match
has been discarded.
Mrs. Jansen's Law of Gardening: One pulled weed leads to another.
Mr. Mendelson's Law: Ten percent of
your clients give you ninety percent of your grief.
Mrs. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will - when Mr. Murphy is
Mrs. Weiler's Law: Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough.
Muench's Law: Nothing improves an innovation like lack of controls.
Muggeridge’s Tenet: One of the many
pleasures of old age is giving things up.
When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Traditionalists are pessimists about the
future and optimists about the past.
Munder's Theorem: For
every "10" there are ten "1".
Principle: A little inaccuracy can save a lot of
If anything can go wrong, it will. Corollaries: 1.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Everything takes longer than you
think it will.
3. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the
one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go
wrong, and circumvent these,
then a fifth way will promptly develop.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Farnsdick's
Corollary: After things have gone from bad to worse,
the cycle will
6. Whenever you set out to do something, something else
must be done first.
7. Every solution breeds a problem.
8. It is
impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw (also called Benedict's
10. Mother nature is a bitch.
Addenda to Murphy's Law: 1.
In precise mathematical term, 1
+ 1 = 2, where "=" is a symbol meaning "seldom if ever".
2. You never run out of things that can go wrong.
If everything can go wrong, it will.
Comment: When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Law: Nothing is ever so bad
that it can't get worse.
Hill's Commentaries on Murphy's Law: 1.
If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.
we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
3. If we have everything to
gain by change, relax.
4. If it doesn't matter, it does not matter.
Corollary to Murphy's Law: Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Corollary to Murphy's Law: In any given set of circumstances,
course of action is determined by subsequent events.
When things go wrong, don't go
Nagler's Comment on the
Origin of Murphy's Law: Murphy's Law was propounded not by Murphy
another man of the same name.
NBC's Addendum to Murphy's Law: You never run out of things that can go
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy
was an optimist. Goldberg's Commentary: O'Toole was an optimist.
Refinement of Murphy's Law: When things go wrong somewhere, they are apt to
go wrong everywhere.
Schnatterly's Summing up of the Corollaries:
If anything can't go
wrong it will.
Your flight never leaves from gate #1.
Asymmetry Principle: Things go
wrong all at once, but things right gradually.
Corollary: It takes
no time at all to break a test instrument, but it takes forever to have it
Clarification of Thomas Wolfe's Law:
You can go home again - you just can't stay there.
things go wrong, don't go with them.
Computer System Definitions: Hardware: The parts of a
computer system that can be kicked.
Software: The parts of a computer system that
Hard Disk: The part of a computer system that
freezes up at the worst possible time.
Peripherals: The parts that are incompatible
with your computer system.
Printer: The part of a computer system that
jams when you are not looking.
Cable: The part of a computer system that is
Mouse: see cursing.
Backup: An operation that is never performed on time.
Restore: A procedure that works perfectly until
it is needed.
Memory: The part of a computer system that is
Error Message: A request to OK the destruction of your own data.
File: The part of a computer system that cannot be found.
Processor: The part of a computer system that is
Manual: The element of your computer system
that is incomprehensible.
Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its
Excuses for Workers: 2. "That's the way we've always done
3. "How did I know this was different?"
Excuse for Workers: "I wasn't hired to do that." Corollaries:
1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
4: If you
perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong,
and circumvent these,
a fifth way will promptly develop. 5: Left
to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
8: It is
impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Law of Dieting :The first pounds you lose are in areas where you didn't want
to lose them.
First Political Principle: No politician talks taxes during
an election year.
If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone
wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial
for them to have gone wrong. Farnsdick's
Corollary: All things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat
Law for Account Executives:
The information you have is not what you
Law for Movers: The box
containing the most valuable delicate object will be the one dropped
Law of Copies: The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional
to its importance.
Law of Government: If anything can go wrong, it will
do so in triplicate.
Law of Punctuality: Being punctual means only that
your mistake will be made on time.
Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Law of Supply: If you don't need it
and don't want it, you can have plenty of it.
Law of Thermodynamics: Things
get worse under pressure.
Law of Topology: The shortest
distance between two points is a downward spiral.
Husbands: 1. If you run into an old girlfriend - no matter how
innocently - your wife will know about it
before you get home.
first time you go out after your wife's birthday, you will see the gift you gave
her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she's with you,
she'll assume you chose it because it was cheap.
3. The gifts you buy
your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.
Your wife's stored possessions will always be on top of your stored
Laws for Wives: 1. If you ask your husband to pick up five
items at a store and then add one more as an afterthought,
he'll forget two of
the first five.
2. The snapshots you take of your husband are
always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.
arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's job
will be easier.
Laws of Technology: 1. Logic is a
systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
2. The attention span of a computer is only
as long as its electrical cord.
3. The degree of technical competence is inversely
proportional to the level of management..
Laws of the Kitchen: 3. The mixing bowl you need
is always dirty.
4. When the meal you are preparing is on schedule, the
guests will be forty-five minutes late.
Corollary: When the guests
are on time, the meal will be forty-five minutes late.
Laws of the Office: 1. Copying machines mangle
only important documents.
Corollary: If a machine goes wild and
runs off 180 copies, it will do so only when you are copying a personal letter.
7. If you want it done quickly, it won't be done correctly.
Mathematical Axiom: For large values of one, one approaches two, for
small values of two, one approaches one.
Paradox: Doing it the hard way
is always easier.
Principle of Infinity: You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Second Law for Husbands: The gifts you buy your wife are never as
apropos as the gifts your neighbour buys his wife.
of the Term Paper: The book or periodical most vital to the completion of
your term paper
will be missing from the library. Corollary: If it
is available, the most important page will be torn out.
Saving Grace: The worst is the enemy of the bad.
Second Law of
Construction: When taking something apart to fix a minor malfunction, you
will cause a major malfunction.
Time/Action Quandary: You
never know how soon it is too late.
Third Law of Luggage: The lost piece of luggage contains the most
necessary personal items.
Uncertainty Principle: You can know something
has gone wrong only when you make an odd number of mistakes.
Laws: 1. If there is a wrong way to do it, you will find it. If there is no
wrong way to do it, you will find it.
2. If they say "You'll
get used to it", you won't.
Murray's Definition: A
pessimist is someone who has spent time with an optimist
Laws: 1. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
ask a salesperson if it's a good price.
3. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
4. Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
5. Law sufficiently complex is indistinguishable
from no law at all.
Rules of the Arena: 1. Nothing
is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach.
2. The wrong
quarterback is the one that's in there.
3. A free agent is anything but.
Hockey is a game played by six good players and the home team.
can go to New York, will.
Myers's Theory of Research: The larger the statistical sampling, the more
the data tends to contradict itself.
Mynard's Mechanical Maxim: After an access cover has been time stakingly secured by multiple tiny screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been